Cyclone in Burma

The big story in international news this past week has been the killer cyclone in Myanmar. It's all over the BBC and when an event outside of the US manages to get to ignorant CNN you know it's something major. The first story I read reported 10,000 people dead. In less than a week projections have jumped up to possibly 100,000 when all is said and done. Holy shit that's a lot. I can't even begin to contemplate that many dead bodies scattered across the coast.

What's sickening about this ordeal is the Burmese are doubly-fucked. Once by the cyclone, twice by their military government. Reports are saying that UN aid workers can't get into the country because the government is taking forever to grant them visas. Also delayed is permission for the US to airdrop supplies.

I can't believe how ridiculous this is. There are tens of thousands of rotting bodies, hospitalized victims, displaced and starving people, and relief is delayed because of politics? Aid workers are getting so frustrated that they want to give the middle finger to politics and proceed without permission. Face the consequences later.

The question right now is "where is the boundary between playing by the rules and breaking them?" Should the world sit idly waiting for the Burmese government to call the shots while peoples' lives are on the line? This is a situation where the right thing to do isn't clearly defined. If you play by the rules then you let more people die. If you don't then you risk hurting relationships with the Burmese elite.

This is the kind of politics that makes the world so fucked up, when we have to pander to the interests of powerful elites, when we can't do what we, deep down at the bottom of our soul know is morally the right thing, because of bureaucracy. It's sick to be reminded that it's how the world has and will always function. The powerful minority always controls the lives of everyone else. This is why world peace and the end to poverty will never be achieved, because it's not in their interest.

Travel Plans

Another post to delay starting on this 15-page paper.

I've been thinking a lot about this year and how incredibly excited I am about all the new changes happening. Traveling will be one of my lifelong passions and I'll have the opportunity to do a tremendous amount of it. I'm still working out plans, but as of now it looks like 2 months in Vegas, maybe a couple days in LA, 1 week in Missouri, back to Virginia for a few days, and then off to Buenos Aires for the Fall semester. After that I'll have one and a half months before Spring semester begins. Maybe I'll hang out in Argentina for a little longer and explore South America. Hopefully there will be someone to travel with. If not maybe I'll just stay in Buenos Aires and hang out with friends. I'd never wander into Brazil, Chile, Peru, etc. by myself. As much as I love traveling it's incredibly lonely to go at it alone. Part of the enjoyment is sharing the experiences and memories with someone else. You can share your stories with friends who haven't walked the streets with you, but they wouldn't understand the sights, smells, profoundness the way a companion would.

What I'm most excited about is Argentina. It won't be typical touristy traveling where I'll stop by for a few days, visit the local shopping mall, grab coffee at the local Starbucks and head back home. Fuck Starbucks. I love you, but fuck you if I'm outside of the States. I hear they're planning on extending their franchise into Buenos Aires now that the economy is growing. Damn them! I want to sit at one of the local cafes and walk in the shoes of a porteña.

I'm a little nervous about being a total stranger in a place where I can barely speak the language. I won't know anyone and will have to build up friendships from scratch. As unnerving as it may be, it's also thrilling. It'll be a challenge and a learning opportunity. I hope to end the experience having made friends who will make me want to return.

Eh

Man this week is killer. I am basking in my fatigue and misery right now to remind myself next week how glad I should be that it's all over with. One paper and exam to go, and then I clear out my room and say goodbye to Charlottesville until 2009.

On a better note, all this walking around on grounds reminds me more than ever how beautiful this place is. There's something about the spring atmosphere mixed with historic architecture that gives it so much charm. The refined maturity and the youthfulness blend in a perfect harmony. It's funny how much the cosmetics matters. A few years from now I'll barely remember what was taught in Econ 201, or Philosophy 151. But I'll have memories of how beautiful the trees around Newcomb were when their flowers bloomed. I'll remember the ground scattered with pink petals, and above thousands more basking in the sun.

If things weren't so hectic right now I'd plan a picnic on the lawn. Note to self: do more things like that next year before graduation.

Wanderlust

I've been watching a lot of the travel channel recently, more specifically Bizarre Foods and that show with the blond woman whose name I can't recall. Right now there's an episode where she's in Monaco looking down at the yacht-filled harbor. The other night I watched an episode of Bizarre Foods that took place in Northern Vietnam. One of the places the guy visited was a restaurant owned by ex-patriots. Just random white people who decided they were tired of their homeland and wanted a different scene.

For some reason I feel like I can relate to them. I've been in Virginia for too long. It's been about 15 years and I'm ready to learn a different culture, whether that be inside our outside of the States. This summer I would save a lot of money if I just stayed at home, found an internship, and grinded tables. But I'd be so miserable. Williamsburg is a nice safe town, but it's just not me right now. It's too tame, too conservative, too predictable.

I don't think flighty would be the right word to describe myself. At least I'd prefer not to because it sounds undependable. Maybe wanderlust is better. I need the excitement, unease, sense of wonder of being somewhere different. I want to be exploring without the confines of school obligations. And still I'd have no idea what it is I'd be looking for. A purpose? A passion? Someone or something to show me that life is worth the bullshit? (Yes, I know that was emo as hell. Hope Migs doesn't read this anymore; he still calls me emo at every rare opportunity.)
Not that I have much right to complain. I'm a very lucky girl to even have the option exploring the world one day.


Maybe I want to get away because I don't know if this place has much more to offer. Since college I've learned a tremendous amount about life, relationships, responsibility, myself, etc. It hasn't been the professors that have taught me the most important things, it's been life in motion. It's been experiencing or witnessing different situations and figuring out why he/she/I acted in that way, what our motivations and feelings were. Three years have passed and I'm ready to be thrown into different situations and to grow in different ways.

This summer Vegas will be a good start. Constant 110 degree heat won't be enjoyable, but other than that it's a fun city. The superficiality and materialism could get ridiculous. But that's alright, once you get out of the Strip it's just a normal city. You can be as normal or as extravagant as you please. People don't understand why I want to spend two months in the desert. It's not just the city itself that makes me want to stay, it's the concept of getting away for a while. I applied to some internships in New York and LA but opted for Vegas so I could focus on poker. It's also a plus that I actually know people there. It'll be like starting anew but with a slight sense of familiarity...and in a ridiculous house.



On a side note, I'm looking at the study guide for my Spanish class that the professor made. It says "Si Thuy ganara un concurso de póquer, ___(ser) famosísisma."
lol Mr. M, that's a long shot. I believe the correct answer is sería?

2 exams down, three more plus a paper to go.

Productivity

Man it's been quite a week. So much to do, and so many exams in the horizon to worry about. I went to the libraries last night with Nicole and all of them were packed. We settled at Clark in the musty-old-book-smelling downstairs that I never go to. I feel like my soul was aging while down there. It also felt cramped with all the bookshelves systematically lined up two feet from each other. I'm not used to being around actual musty books while in a library. They give me the creeps. And you know when you're leaving the downstairs of Clark and there's that door with a huge sign that says "PULL"? I pushed 3 out of 4 times.

Today I'll grab a spot and stake my claim on it. Get away nerds! This table's mine! I'm trying to focus on studying but it's difficult when there so many exciting things lined up this summer and so much to do to prepare for them. Today I finally booked my tickets to Buenos Aires and Vegas. The BA ticket was insane; the price jumped $300 in a little over a week. The route's a bit odd. They're going to fly me up to Chicago before taking me down to South America. What's the point of that? Can't you guys in Chicago just swing by to DC and pick me up? I'm also in the process of talking to some people about subleasing my room. Looks like it won't be that difficult after all.

As for Vegas, it'll be an interesting experience. It should be a lot of fun and I'll focus on learning and growing as a student. I can't wait to get out there.

I'm so anxious for school to be over. This summer will be amazing. I'll be traveling an incredible amount and already have aspirations for what I want out of it.
Unfortunately right now is crunch time with classes. I really need to pull myself away from thoughts of the future and focus on what's in front of me. Darn you school work!

Recent thoughts:
Why am I so flighty? I feel like I'm always looking to the future, chasing castles in the sky. But what in the world am I looking for?

Hmm

After being in the pits for so long it's nice to get yourself pulled back together. Things are looking up. New ventures are in the horizon.

Vietnam 1

I've been in Vietnam for a little over a week now to visit after being gone for 15 years. Took a lot of pictures but don't have load many. So far it's been an amazing and humbling trip. I've never felt this much love and heartache at the same time.









My huge and wonderful family.








My coconut tree.








The old backyard with the rice fields.








Grandparent's house. Used to live here.








Train ride from Saigon to Hue. Met some really great people.










Motorcycle ride in Saigon.

Too old

I want to be at a different stage of my life right now. So tired of these day to day routines, of being nothing more than a student. I want to take all the shit that I've learned from inside and outside of the classrooms and use it for something more productive than this.

I'm feeling too old to still be doing this. Oh time, why can't you just break these chains and just let me go?

I want to be in Italy looking down on the hills of Tuscany, or in Spain for a conference, or in California or New York or...anywhere. Anywhere far away.

Why?

Why do I write?

It comes down to one answer; I need to.

There are times when my mind is cluttered with thoughts about something. The only way to settle them is to type. It's a very soothing process. Afterwards I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's like slowly exhaling a deep breath.

I enjoy exploring my thoughts, picking a topic and diving into it. The more I wander the more I learn about myself. It's like each thought contains a small piece of who I am and I'm walking around with a basket and filling it with fragments of my identity.

Sometimes I get tired of the superficial. It's hard to find a conversation that dives beyond the surface and explores different areas of life. I wonder what it would be like to tour through another person's mind, to sit down with them and hear their definition of happiness, or beauty, or to hear what scars have been left on them so far. I would love to find out how life has molded them into the person they are.

Maybe this journal is my way of having that kind of conversation. As I write I'm figuring things out with myself and learning who I am. When I post it becomes a monologue for whoever the heck reads this. I'm not sure if people still do. But that doesn't matter. What matters the process.

Part of why I write is to show that most of us aren't that different. Superficially we are. But when it comes to thoughts, an essential component of who we are, there are many similarities. Back in the day people used to say things like "If I wrote down my thoughts they'd be similar to what you write." It's nice to help remind people they aren't always alone.

This journal shows a different side of me. Everybody has layers to their personalities. Different circumstances cause different aspects to show. This side is more intricate, more composed.